It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
