I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
