Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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