guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
sex in a hospital.. check
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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