if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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