Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
