Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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