Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
