my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
