Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
