how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
