i need an iv and a liver transplant
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
