dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
