I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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