That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
