I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
