i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
