and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ok first of all what the fuck
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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