I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
