the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You made out with two different species that night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
