My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
zippers are such a cool invention
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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