Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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