i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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