we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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