Your dad touched me again.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
