I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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