Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I want is dick and wine.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
