Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
