Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
