We named our party play list daddy issues
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
