its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
