you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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