I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
