Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
