so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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