Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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