Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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