dude i'm inner monologue high
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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