FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
