you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
