Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
