i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
