Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
