Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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