But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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