i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
