I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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