There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
