Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
