Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
COCAINE IS GR8
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