have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
