Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
