im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
