absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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