This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
