Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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