Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
